In the world of dating, as everywhere else, confidence is everything. Your confident (not cocky or arrogant) attitude will be key in attracting dates and meeting people. If you feel like you have little self-confidence or issues with self-esteem, you’re probably shaking your head right now and thinking that if confidence is what’s going to make or break your dating life, then you’re already in trouble.
True confidence is cultivated through trying new things, whether you fail or not. You will eventually learn and succeed – confidence is not gained from doing nothing. Maybe you think you’ve got nothing to offer compared to some guys.
So you’re not Brad Pitt – big deal. You need to capitalize on what you’ve got going for yourself and get over comparing yourself to others. It’s likely that the women you date aren’t going to be Angelina Jolie or Jennifer Aniston, either.
Confidence means not comparing yourself to someone else, but seeing your strengths and making the most of them. You have to look at yourself and discover your own best qualities so that you can capitalize on them.
Here are some good ways to boost your self-confidence:
- Spend some time honestly taking stock of what’s good about you. A warning here: if you use this time to pick yourself apart and find everything wrong with yourself, you’re on the wrong track.
Instead, take a break from putting yourself down and find some good points about you. Examples might be your great sense of humor, expressive eyes, excellent physical condition, great smile, intelligence, ability to cook a killer meal, or financial stability.
- Don’t just look at your physical self – think about personality traits, the hobbies you enjoy and are especially good at, or your ability to make people feel at ease around you.
Make a list of all the things that are cool about you – nothing is too small or ridiculous – these are the things that make you different and worthy of dates – you can build confidence around these things. If you still can’t think of what your best characteristics and talents are, ask your friends and loved ones.
- Remember that if the women you date are intelligent and nice, they’re going to realize that you’re not perfect and neither are they. What if she doesn’t like every single thing about you?
This doesn’t mean anything. If she likes enough things about you, your imperfections will be overlooked. This goes both ways and it’s just the way dating works. If she’s looking for complete perfection in a man, you don’t want her anyway – no one is going to be able to really make her happy – not even Brad Pitt.
- Project confidence. Confidence is projected first by body language and then by how you speak to her. If you’re looking relaxed and comfortable (but not slovenly) you’ll project an air of confidence. This means standing or sitting straight, but not being too rigid.
A smile and eye contact are very important. Shifting positions every few seconds, not making eye contact, slouching and seeming distracted will make her think you’re not interested or that you have something to hide.
Giving her a list of all of the things you don’t like about yourself is the kiss of death, so don’t do it. Mumbling is a bad idea, too. Instead, you can convey confidence when speaking by speaking clearly and positively. You don’t have to be a smiling goon, but spreading doom and gloom isn’t going to do anything for you, either.
Becoming more confident will require you to take stock of your good qualities and the realization that no one is perfect, meaning you can stop worrying about it. Confidence is one of the most important keys to finding dates and eventually landing Mrs. Right. If you have to practice being confident, then do it – fake it ‘til you make it, as they say.