Posted by Tee Mayfield in Black Love Advice
We all like to think that our boyfriends or husbands will be there for us when we discover what it is that we want to be in life.
I mean as women our goals, dreams, and aspirations matter, right? Isn’t it okay for me to want to accomplish more with my life than getting married and raising children?
For women in relationships, it often feels like the answer to that question is NO.
Far too often we put aside our dreams for the sake of making the men in our lives happy.
But do they ever consider what that does to us on the inside? Or, better yet, do WE take the time to really consider what that does to us on the inside? Most often the answer is NO.
So, we continue to indulge ourselves in a relationship that doesn’t allow our self-growth and personal achievement because maintaining that relationship is a promoted priority that sadly most of us women are addicted to nurturing.
The reality is that there’s often a shift that occurs in our relationship when we share our desire for achievement and self-fulfillment with the man we are in love with.
Sometimes they might tell us straight up that they think we should delay pursuing our dreams, or they plain and simple don’t support it. However, most often they aren’t so bold. They smile and pretend to support us, but his disapproval quickly manifests itself in passive-aggressive behaviors like criticism and some of the other behaviors I list below.
This can cause us to have conflicting emotions much like the feeling of suffocating in our own self-doubt. We begin to lose confidence in ourselves, but on a subconscious level what is really going on is we are afraid of facing the fact that our own lover does not support who we want to become.
How can we recognize such things when we are so in love and consumed with pleasing him? And what do we do if we realize that the man we love doesn’t promote us?
First off, let me describe just a few of the many signs that may occur when you’re in a relationship with a man that doesn’t support your personal growth.
Let’s start with this one because it’s one of the most frequent tactics used to delay, stop, or sidetrack your achievement:
Any of these things sound familiar? Well, you might be in a relationship with a person that doesn’t support your personal growth.
In a relationship, you need mutual support for each other’s dreams and goals if you want to grow together and experience true relationship satisfaction. Many men fail to realize this. They view your personal growth and achievement as a threat to the relationship.
Most of the time this type of behavior is exhibited by men that know they don’t deserve you in the first place.
If mutual support is something that you’re not experiencing in your relationship you might want to review some of the signs I listed above and have a conversation in which you either change the relationship or change the relationship status.
Sometimes this can be our worst fear, having to make a choice between choosing ourselves and the one we love, but hear me when I say this: If it is truly love there will be no need to choose.
All in all, there are far too many relationships that fall apart because one partner doesn’t encourage the others personal growth and success.
Make no doubts about it, this is an unhealthy relationship.
Life is full of opportunity, and there is no way anyone in any relationship should be denied to experience those opportunities. In the end, it will be great if you can experience those opportunities together as one…but there is surely nothing wrong if you have to do it alone.