Posted by Nick Bastion in Black Love Advice
Trying to figure out how your ex feels about you can be super confusing.
On the one hand, if your breakup is fresh then it’s really likely that he still has feelings for you. Feelings don’t disappear overnight.
However, he could still care about you… but still, think that getting back together isn’t a good idea.
At the same time, you probably still have an emotional attachment to him – which makes it really hard for you to read the situation clearly and know what his true desires are.
So here’s the question: How do you figure out whether he wants you back?
I’m going to give you 6 signs that mean he secretly wants you back.
If you see a few of these signs in his behavior towards you, it’s a good bet that he wants you back.
Ready? Let’s start:
Obviously, this sign only applies if you and your ex are talking. But if he wants to talk through the things that went wrong in your relationship that led to your breakup, it’s a good sign that he’s thinking about how he went wrong and where he could have done better.
If he’s doing that, it means he’s practicing empathy towards you and towards how the relationship ended, which is a great sign that he wants to get back together with you (so that he can do better in the future.)
I go into this in depth at Vixen Daily, so if you notice this behavior in him, it’s something to pay attention to. An important thing to watch for is whether he’s blaming you or whether he’s sincerely trying to figure out what went wrong, without blame or anger.
If he’s throwing blame and negativity around, that means he’s still feeling bitter about the breakup – and it’s a bad sign that he wants to get back together with you.
But if he’s calm, collected, and acting without bitterness – it’s a great sign that he’s trying to figure out why things went wrong and how to fix them between you in the future.
After a bad breakup, almost everyone goes towards some kind of introspection where they take a long hard look at themselves.
That’s common. What’s not common is if he then focuses on the negatives about him that harmed the relationship – and works on fixing them.
This sign ties into the first one, in that he has to see, without bitterness, the ways that his behavior harmed the relationship and contributed to the breakup. (And so do you – without bitterness – if you want to get back together and stay together.)
If he’s working on the specific behaviors that hurt your relationship and drove you apart, it’s a great sign that he recognizes how much they hurt the relationship, and that he wants to move past them and give your relationship a second shot.
Talking about good memories that you shared in your relationship is a huge sign that he’s still fixated on you, and that he’s secretly hoping to get back together with you.
First of all, it reveals that he’s still thinking a lot about your relationship and the good times you spent together. Second of all, it tells you that he misses them and that he wants them back.
This is one of the strongest signs that he wants to get back together with you – it’s a dead giveaway that he still has significant feelings for you.
Fair warning on this one – everyone is different. Some people are naturally more private than other people, but you know your ex.
If he’s the kind to keep his dating life a secret anyway, this isn’t a strong sign.
But if he’s not, and he is usually open about who he’s dating, then his unusual secrecy could be a huge sign that he wants to get back together with you eventually.
Maybe he doesn’t want you to find out he’s dating someone else and ruin his chances with you. Maybe he knows he’s in a ‘rebound relationship’ and is acting accordingly.
Regardless, if he’s being weirdly private about his new relationship, it could be a sign he secretly wants to get back together with you.
If you’re really trying to get over a breakup and move on from someone, the best most productive thing to do is to cut all contact with them.
That lets you move on without being constantly reminded of them, and allows you to clear your mind and gain perspective on the relationship.
If you’ve broken up, but he’s still calling you, texting you, and keeping in contact with you – it means he’s not ready to let the relationship go.
That’s a huge sign that he wants to eventually get back together with you… and he’s just biding his time.
This is maybe the biggest sign that he definitely wants to get back together.
If you’re still talking, that’s already a great sign. If he brings up his future with you and asks for your input, that’s another huge sign.
And if he brings up his future and talks about you being in it, that’s a massive, neon flashing sign that means he intends to get back together with you. Otherwise, why would he be talking about a future with you?
No one plans their entire future around a “great friend” – no matter how friendly they are. If he’s planning a future with you in it, it’s because he wants to be with you.
These are just a few of the signs that your ex secretly wants you back. However, they are some of the strongest indicators.
If you notice these behaviors from your ex don’t be shocked if he eventually reveals, he still has feelings for you.